An Unusual Persepctive on London
When I asked my friend Kimberly from All Work and No Play to guest post on City Mom, I knew one of two things was going to happen.
1. She would grace us with a moving and raw story about her struggles and triumphs with Postpartum Depression or…
2. We’d get a hilarious post that splits your sides and makes you smile for the rest of the day.
Guess which one we got? I bet you never thought you’d read about Solid Gold on City Mom…Enjoy and thank you to Kimberly!
The summer sun blazed through the sun roof as our 4 door yellow Focus barreled down the 401 towards London. The wind whipped my hair wildly in every direction but I didn’t care. The highway air felt refreshing…
…until someone in the backseat decided to bake a brown air biscuit.
Shawn (my husband): “Whew! Whatever that farmer is using to fertilize his crop is sure rancid!”
*laughter erupts from the backseat
Shawn: “Oh man Kenny. That was a good one!”
Kenny. How do I describe this?
Shawn and Kenny have been the best of friends since Bon Jovi donned his first pair of tight leather pants.
Even though Shawn and Kenny came from separate wombs, they are somehow tethered together by an umbilical cord that no woman can ever sever. They are inseparable.
They form a relationship that can be referred to as a “bromance”.
And yes, it is nauseating.
Where was I? Oh yes, on our way to London. We were meeting 3 other couples at London’s Armories Hotel for a mini vacation. When we got settled there we headed to Labatt’s Blue Brewery to see how beer was made and to watch the men drown in their own drool. Then us women subjected the men to hours of shopping.
And maybe we made them sit through our pedicures. It was only fair right?
Then some stuff happened. Most likely there was alcohol involved and perhaps there was a dare. Either way, at some point in between being completely obliterated and being just annoyingly drunk and adventurous, we found ourselves standing in the middle of Solid Gold. A strip club.
I remember that I focused heavily on my watered down overly priced drink that I sucked back anxiously in a mere 2.5 seconds because I didn’t know what I needed to do. Like was I supposed to just sit and smile at the dancers? Should I have tried to carry on in conversation about politics while “Diamond” shakes her naked junk in front of our faces?
It was awkward.
But the most awkward part was when I was approached by a peeler bar patron.
Old Dude: When do you dance?
Me: Oh. No, I am not a dancer.
*I begin fiddling with my straw.
Old Dude: You should dance up there.
Me: No, I’m not dancing. (*elbowing Shawn)
Old Dude: Come on get up there. I have money.
Me: Shawn. Shawn! Shawn.
*Shawn turns to me
Shawn: Shhhhhhhhh…..I’m talking to Kenny!
*Shawn turns his full attention back to Kenny.
See what I mean. I’m not important when Kenny’s around. Not even a creepy old dude with a strong graying moustache hitting on me can penetrate its force of love.
Bromance. Le sigh.
Anyhoodles, the rest of the trip was a smash and we’ve all been itching to go back…
…and not because we all caught something when we were at the strip club.
Because London is fabulously fun.
Or in our case…Solid Gold.